The Creator of the Universe wants me to call him Daddy.

A few weeks ago I felt this burden looming over me. I was unmotivated, I couldn't focus, I felt downright funky. I tried sleeping, but I couldn't sleep off the funkiness. I tried going to the gym, but I couldn't finish a workout without wanting to find a corner to cry. I tried to cry hoping to find some relief, but I couldn't even cry. I don't know much about mental illness, but I would say I was a little depressed. I couldn't shake it. It was awful.

I had hope that it would end, which was comforting because I could not imagine living my days in this state. However, it took some time. It got to the point where I had to take a day off of work because I couldn't function. On that day off I rested; I sang; I prayed; and I tried to seek God. I felt better, but the funkiness still lingered. The next night, I had some girls come over and for 2-3 hours we prayed, listened, talked. The girls read scripture, encouraged me, and challenged me.

About three of them received images of barriers (doors or walls) or themselves sensed this burden I was carrying; this wall that was trapping me in my funkiness. Things weren't fully resolved this evening, but one issue that came up was that I operated in a achievement oriented paradigm and couldn't see clearly what it looked to operate in a paradigm of grace where I was loved, accepted and given the desires of my heart simply because I was known by God.

That weekend I went to Resolved 2008 and heard a sermon on Adoption by CJ Mahaney that blew my mind. It was like once I was blind, but now I see. He spoke out of Galations 4:1-7 which says:

"I mean that the heir, as long as he is a child, is no different from a slave, though he is the owner of everything, but he is under guardians and managers until the date set by his father. In the same way we also, when we were children, were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world. But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God."

I had been living in the truth of being redeemed by God. I rested in the hope of salvation, but I had somehow missed the adoption part. This part is key. It would be enough if God accepted us as his servants. We were his enemies before he called us to Himself, and that was by His grace, not anything that we had done. BUT! He didn't stop there. Through his Son Jesus Christ, he made us his sons and daughters. He calls us his children and desires that we know him as Abba (Daddy)! Father!

Simply Amazing.

One of the things I was challenged with that night the girls came over to pray for me was "What do you want?" At first I said I didn't know, and that was what was so frustrating. I felt like I was lost and didn't have a passion for anything. However, as the evening continued and as they challenged me to ask God for what I wanted...I found out that I want a lot of things.

I mention this here because for me my freedom to ask God for things is dependent on how I view God and how I view myself in relationship to Him. I was afraid to have dreams and desires and to come to God with them, because I didn't want to have the "wrong" dreams and desires. I wanted to ask for that which was "appropriate by His standards" to ask for. I thought I needed to come to God with the perfect plan and requests that were fully in line with his will in order to share my life, my questions, and my desires with God. I didn't interact with God as the most loving, understanding, gracious, affectionate, patient being that ever has and ever will be. I now am growing to interact with Him as such. I am getting to know my Abba. And you know what...that wall is crumbling and I am tasting freedom and joy. The journey is not done, but I feel I am on the journey to find healing and wholeness...that Shalom that so many are looking for.

It starts with having a right understanding of my relationship to God.

I will end with this piece by J. I. Packer:

"You sum up the whole of the New Testament teaching in a single phrase, if you speak of it as a revelation of the Fatherhood of the holy Creator. In the same way, you sum up the whole of New Testament religion if you describe it as the knowledge of God as one's holy Father. If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God's child, and having God as his Father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and his whole outlook on life, it means that he does not understand Christianity very well at all."
J. I. Packer, Knowing God (London: Hodder and Stoughton, 1973), p. 182.