I want to be close to you but I don't know how...

11/3/08
I have recently discovered that I can ride my bike home from work. I pass a lot of people on my way home. Today I road past a man and an inner dialogue broke out inside my head. “He is in need, should I stop?” “But there are tons of people in need, am I supposed to stop for every one of them?” “But the rich man stepped over Lazarus for a lifetime and that was evidence that the Spirit of the Lord wasn’t in him.” “But it’s getting dark and need to get home to get on with my evening.” “That’s exactly what was going on in the Good Samaritan story wasn’t it? Everyone was just to busy to stop and help.”

I stopped and turned around. I met this man. His clothes were dirty and his hands were cold and calloused. His nose looked a raw-ish pink and white wiry hair covered his head and face. His name was Bob. He was sitting outside a Wendy’s and when I asked if I could get him some food, all he asked for was a coffee. I brought him back some things and asked to pray for him. I asked him what he needed prayer for, and he looked up at me with a look that said, “Isn’t it obvious?” I felt a bit sorry that I had asked such a dumb question, but then again I am sure there were some particular things he needed from God. He did say that he just wanted to get back to how his life was, but that’s all I know.

I prayed for him in the name of Jesus Christ (we are learning in Acts study that there is power in the name of Jesus). I gave him a hug, we said our goodbyes and he thanked me for the coffee that was now warming his body.

I started riding home again, and then I started thinking about how cold he must be. What did I have? I had a sweater that wouldn’t fit him and my pretty purple scarf. I didn’t want to give up my scarf. It was pretty. I was then pressed again. Are things more valuable than people? This man is cold and has to spend the night on the street. It felt awkward returning since I had already left but I returned (remembering then that it was a scarf my Auntie had given to me) pulling my scarf out of my bag asking if he could use it. He told me that I should keep it for myself and that I should stay warm. Hesitating, wishing there was something more I could do, I packed the scarf back into my backpack and headed off again.

I was then struck by the thought of putting this man up in a hotel room for the night. Then he could be warm…But this time the nudging by the Spirit to respond wasn’t as strong, and it was starting to get dark so I took off on my way home. As I pedaled down the street I found myself praying out loud. Why did this man have to be outside alone in the cold? It wasn’t right. It made me upset. Maybe I could just take everyone from the street into my home. But wait, that’s a ridiculous idea. I couldn’t handle it. But what if everyone had it on their hearts to care for the people on the streets and could take in one person a night. What if it became culturally appropriate? I don’t know. Then I started asking God (in Spanish…I like trying to pray in other languages for some reason) for him to bring hope to our city. If we have not hope, what do we have? If we have not Jesus, what do we have? This world is a hard sad place. We try to argue away our desperate need for a Redeemer, a Savior. We can make ourselves really comfortable and not see the need. Or we can educate ourselves really well about the need and then strive to see the political sphere bring the answers. But unless the hearts of men are changed there will always be Bobs on the street in the cold.

I have been wrestling with believing God recently and with the “foolishness” of the gospel. I almost didn’t really know how to pray for Bob because I felt so far from God and had little faith about how He would actually minister to Bob in this situation. Was God going to get him off the street tonight? If I didn’t do it, would anyone? But I am thankful for going against my flesh and responding to the little proddings of the Spirit to love and serve. It warms my heart and it was a reminder to me that without Jesus, and without the transformation of our hearts we will all have nothing else to do but plummet into a dark hole of hopelessness.

I wish that I would have asked Bob if he knew Jesus and shared the gospel with him, but I am hoping baby steps are okay and that God ministered to this man through my attempt at loving him. I am also hoping that I learn how to live both abiding in God and trusting in him and working and laying down myself for others.