Seeking Freedom

The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions
The Giver
CREATOR, UPHOLDER AND PROPRIETOR OF ALL THINGS,
We cannot escape from thy presence and control,
nor do we desire to do so.
Our privilege is to be under the agency of thy omnipotence,
righteousness, wisdom, patience, mercy and grace;
For thou art Love with more than parental affection.
We admire thy goodness,
stand in awe of thy power,
abase ourselves before thy purity.
It is the discovery of thy goodness alone that
can banish our fear
allure us into thy presence,
help us to bewail and confess our sins.
We review our past guilt
and are conscious of present unworthiness.
We bless thee that thy steadfast love and attributes
are essential to our happiness and hope;
Thou hast witnessed to us thy grace and mercy
in the bounties of nature,
in the fullness of thy providence,
in the revelations of Scripture,
in the gift of thy Son,
in the proclamation of the gospel.
Make us willing to be saved in thy own way,
perceiving nothing in ourselves but all in Jesus.
Help us not only to receive him but
to walk in him,
depend upon him,
commune with him,
follow him as dear children,
imperfect, but still pressing forward,
not complaining of labour, but valuing rest,
not murmuring under trials, but thankful for our state.
And by so doing let us silence the ignorance of foolish men.

As I have been reflecting on who I am recently during our Spiritual Gifts Project, I have found that I am a person bound by fear. Fear of failure. Fear of people. Fear of not being in control. Fear of things not turning out how I envision. Fear of doing something wrong. Fear of correction or rebuke. Before I couldn't see that fear was at the root of my anxious living and joylessness and lack of childlike freedom. But now that I see, I want so much to be free from this fear. I trust that the Lord has come to make me a new creation (2Corin. 5:17)and to release me from the yoke of slavery (Gal 5:1) (I am enslaved to fear, the sin of not trusting in the goodness of the LORD). Lord teach me to trust you. Teach me to remember and acknowledge your goodness. Transform me and make me free, so when people look and see that I am different your name would be glorified.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:17)"

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (2Time 1:7)"

P.S. Do you like Hammocks?

Dear Madam,

Dancing sounds like a smashingly lovely idea. My life can be darkened all too often by the seriousness created by my unrealistic fears of the mysterious future that I fight to control with my Duk-i-ness, but just can't seem to get a handle on. Flying is a preference as well.

Light, lovely, free as a balloon left to rise high in the sky out of view...

Picking Ice for my Ton Welling Shaved Ice Duke party of Life

-Sir Ice Pick, Duke of Wellington


PS. Do you like Hammocks?

I do

I love how when your feet leave the ground it's as if you can leave the cares of the world for a little while...

*...sigh

Then you get to swing and sway as held gently by the hand of God.

In that moment I find that I can let go and live in the reality that it is not I who carry myself through this life, but the hand of God. Reminiscent of being a child, nurtured and growing in a mother's womb...swaying gently from side to side.

Time stops. I'm on the brim of eternity ready to tip over into the loving care of the Father.

I don't know about you, but I like Hammocks.

Happy 30th Wedding Anniversary Mom and Dad!

We are told in the Bible, “…whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” I would say that includes celebrating my parent’s 30th Wedding Anniversary as well!

So, on that note, I want to give glory to God. I want to give glory to God for modeling perfect commitment to us and for his abundant grace evidenced in my parent’s marriage.

We are gathered here today to celebrate a commitment…a promise…a covenant that was made 30 years ago between my mom and my dad. This was a commitment to be joined together to become as one.

Genesis 2:24 reads: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

This marriage covenant invented by God is a picture of his perfect commitment to us. God’s children have rebelled against him since Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, but because of this commitment to his people he gave his One and Only Son, Jesus, to take our punishment on the cross...so that we could have life and enjoy God forever. The name for such an undeserved gift as God’s commitment to love us is grace.

And, the same grace that was necessary to restore our broken relationship with our Father in heaven is the same that has kept two imperfect people together for 30 years. I love my parents to death, but like everyone else they are imperfect.

So today, I thank God for giving my dad and my mom what they need each day to continue to love and serve each other...that they might be a small light to the world of God’s own commitment to bring life to those who love him.

Mom. Dad. May God grant you the grace to continue to love and honor each other. To respect each other. AND To submit to each other in love in the years to come.

May you strive to be obedient to God and his statutes, that you might know and glorify Him with your lives. AND May you be encouraged by the goodness of your Father in Heaven.

And for those hard times, remember that it was never by your strength, but by God’s strength and his grace to you that you are here today, together in the first place.

Finally, trust in God. For if you love Him, you can be sure that He has been committed to loving you even before time began.

Like a child...

The Last Ones By: Matthew West

My friend Taylor she's an angel
Ten years old and beautiful
She's a living, breathing miracle
And she proves it everyday
'Cause the odds were stacked against her
From the day that she arrived here
And the doctors told her mom and dad
She'd always be that way

And I confess when I first met her
I was thinking life's not fair
But then she wrapped her arms around my neck
And it all became so clear

God bless the last ones (x2)

One day Taylor sent me a picture
from her Special Olympics race
And I could tell just by the looks of it
she was coming in last place
But she crossed that finish line
with a smile upon her face
as if to say

God bless the last ones (x2)

Maybe the last ones are the lucky ones
The ones who got this whole thing figured out
'Cause when they go looking for something beautiful
They start looking from the inside out

On our way into the restaurant
we passed a homeless man
He was half drunk and half asleep
with a paper cup in his hand
And I confess when I first saw him
I was thinking life's not fair
But then Taylor reached out
and wrapped her arms around his neck
And it all became so clear

God bless the last ones (x4)

Well I wish we could all be the lucky ones
The ones who've got this whole thing figured out
Maybe the next time we go looking for beautiful
we'll try looking from the inside out

God bless the last ones (x4)

Lord make me like a child. Give me your eyes. Free us all from unhealthy views of ourselves, our achievements, and our place in the world. Free us! Show us how to love as you love. Bless you sweet Jesus. Amen.

Servant Partner Interns become 2nd Years :-)

I got this photo from Jessica (1 of the 3). Thanks Jess! The old 2nd year interns have been commissioned and we have moved up to take their place. We are officially 2nd years! Don't we look responsible and mature :-). This photo makes me happy because these beautiful saints make me happy. Thanks to all who are praying for and supporting us. God is working in us a beautiful thing. We are seeking freedom, joy, and peace all while learning to lose our lives for the sake of the kingdom, our joy, and God's glory.

The Creator of the Universe wants me to call him Daddy.

A few weeks ago I felt this burden looming over me. I was unmotivated, I couldn't focus, I felt downright funky. I tried sleeping, but I couldn't sleep off the funkiness. I tried going to the gym, but I couldn't finish a workout without wanting to find a corner to cry. I tried to cry hoping to find some relief, but I couldn't even cry. I don't know much about mental illness, but I would say I was a little depressed. I couldn't shake it. It was awful.

I had hope that it would end, which was comforting because I could not imagine living my days in this state. However, it took some time. It got to the point where I had to take a day off of work because I couldn't function. On that day off I rested; I sang; I prayed; and I tried to seek God. I felt better, but the funkiness still lingered. The next night, I had some girls come over and for 2-3 hours we prayed, listened, talked. The girls read scripture, encouraged me, and challenged me.

About three of them received images of barriers (doors or walls) or themselves sensed this burden I was carrying; this wall that was trapping me in my funkiness. Things weren't fully resolved this evening, but one issue that came up was that I operated in a achievement oriented paradigm and couldn't see clearly what it looked to operate in a paradigm of grace where I was loved, accepted and given the desires of my heart simply because I was known by God.

That weekend I went to Resolved 2008 and heard a sermon on Adoption by CJ Mahaney that blew my mind. It was like once I was blind, but now I see. He spoke out of Galations 4:1-7 which says:

"I mean that the heir, as long as he is a child, is no different from a slave, though he is the owner of everything, but he is under guardians and managers until the date set by his father. In the same way we also, when we were children, were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world. But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God."

I had been living in the truth of being redeemed by God. I rested in the hope of salvation, but I had somehow missed the adoption part. This part is key. It would be enough if God accepted us as his servants. We were his enemies before he called us to Himself, and that was by His grace, not anything that we had done. BUT! He didn't stop there. Through his Son Jesus Christ, he made us his sons and daughters. He calls us his children and desires that we know him as Abba (Daddy)! Father!

Simply Amazing.

One of the things I was challenged with that night the girls came over to pray for me was "What do you want?" At first I said I didn't know, and that was what was so frustrating. I felt like I was lost and didn't have a passion for anything. However, as the evening continued and as they challenged me to ask God for what I wanted...I found out that I want a lot of things.

I mention this here because for me my freedom to ask God for things is dependent on how I view God and how I view myself in relationship to Him. I was afraid to have dreams and desires and to come to God with them, because I didn't want to have the "wrong" dreams and desires. I wanted to ask for that which was "appropriate by His standards" to ask for. I thought I needed to come to God with the perfect plan and requests that were fully in line with his will in order to share my life, my questions, and my desires with God. I didn't interact with God as the most loving, understanding, gracious, affectionate, patient being that ever has and ever will be. I now am growing to interact with Him as such. I am getting to know my Abba. And you know what...that wall is crumbling and I am tasting freedom and joy. The journey is not done, but I feel I am on the journey to find healing and wholeness...that Shalom that so many are looking for.

It starts with having a right understanding of my relationship to God.

I will end with this piece by J. I. Packer:

"You sum up the whole of the New Testament teaching in a single phrase, if you speak of it as a revelation of the Fatherhood of the holy Creator. In the same way, you sum up the whole of New Testament religion if you describe it as the knowledge of God as one's holy Father. If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God's child, and having God as his Father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and his whole outlook on life, it means that he does not understand Christianity very well at all."
J. I. Packer, Knowing God (London: Hodder and Stoughton, 1973), p. 182.